Volume 5 [ Number 1 First [ 1998


By Edrid

When you think a thought, have a feeling, form an opinion, and so forth, it occurs in a private space. This private space is your own subjective realm. We conscious beings have a private realm in which all sorts of inner events occur that are not directly observable by others. In that way, we are like separate, independent islands.

By directing your attention inward, you can directly perceive these internal states. Each of us has our own unique point of view.

For example, at this moment, as you are reading this, you have some inner experience of this content, and it may bring up an opinion or idea about it in your mind. This inner activity that you have is unknown to me and to others right now, just as the thoughts and feelings that everyone else has all day long are generally unknown to us all. I can speculate about what you are thinking or feeling, but I don't know it in the same way you know it, which is by directly perceiving your own internal states.

Two individuals can get really close, to the degree that each would feel they are experiencing the same thing at the same moment. But even if they were experiencing exactly duplicate experiences, each would be having his own unique experience.

Most of the time, we do not know what is going on in another's private world. Nevertheless, my not knowing what goes on inside you does not make it not exist. If it exists for you, it exists, even if I am oblivious to it. Even if every conscious being in the whole universe was unconscious of your thought, it would still exist if it exists for you.

There is the potential for me to know what you think or feel in your private subjective realm (and vice versa), but until that occurs, our private realms remain private.

If we feel isolated or alone, it is because there is very little flow of this internal information between us, and, therefore, not much experience of the contact between us. We conscious beings persist, even if we are not being thought about or contacted by others. If you consider here to be Life (the whole universe and everything), everyone is here all the time. Even if you feel alone, that is never actually true since everyone is always here. You can be alone in a crowded room. When you think you are alone, it is a judgment about the flow of communication between you and others.

You do not feel alone once there is a flow established with at least one other, or once you realize you are always connected with everyone.

Imagine for a moment a whole bunch of conscious beings, sort of in neutral, idling. You are all just there, together. A thought arises in your private realm. At that moment, the relationship between you and all others changes. How it was before is not exactly how it is now. You now have a thought and every other is not aware of that thought.

Even if you do not consciously intend for any others to know the thought, you are now alone in the sense that your state, and the state of your relationship with all others has changed but no one is consciously "with you" on that. The potential for the others to know that thought has come into being. The more you want them to know it, the more charge it has, and as long as you persist in having that thought, a state of non-understanding exists between you and the other.

Communication is getting a thought across to another. Thought should be taken here in the broadest sense: any idea, feeling, perception, opinion, view, and so on. Understanding is the state of having successfully communicated. A state of understanding exists between two individuals when real communication has occurred. This neutralizes the difference in your states, eliminating the aloneness.

Communication requires the self/other dichotomy. There must be at least two individuals for communication to take place. In that respect, communication is not an ability a single individual has. This is because it requires two individuals. Even if you are the best communicator in the world, you cannot communicate unless there is a receiver who is open to and capable of receiving your message. You can improve your skill at communicating, but this is no guarantee that you can communicate with another when you want to. Others always have the choice of whether to receive or not. It works the other way too. If you don't listen, they can't get their messages across to you.

When you have something to communicate and you can't get it across (for whatever reason), it can occupy your mind and emotions. Sometimes these emotions will build up and you will feel desperate and try almost anything to get a message across to another. There is mental or emotional charge on the message. Charge is one's aloneness with a message.

When you have a thought, it arises in consciousness, private to you. This is an experience of your existing as a separate individual, the normal state we find ourselves in day-to-day. We can have deep experiences of contact in which our separation dissolves and there is no self/other dichotomy. The boundary between self and other disappears. That is the ultimate function of communication. It dissolves the apparent separation between us.

I Exist as an Angry Bitch

Ava Cadeaux

Why didn't

you care

to share

all the



so that

we could talk

I thought

my love

was your





You forgot

about me

don't you see

I must shout


This is


I have

to be

seen, heard,


the scream of



Good and Bad, the Source of the Mind

By Bhagawan/Raphael Mendel

I want to share a realization I had which came very soon before an enlightenment I had on "Who Am I" on the Annual Intensive in October, 1997. I had let go of most of desire and was feeling a lot of compassion for others, including myself; acceptance, peace and wisdom were abiding.

It was then clear that the whole mind comes out of the thought of good and bad. The mind is born as that. I saw what Adam and Eve, partaking from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil meant. This was the beginning of the mind. The beginning of separation, of making distinctions. And God judged them and punished Adam and Eve. The punishment was actually judgment itself, which follows automatically from Knowledge of Good and Bad. When we think something is good or bad, there is a judgment involved. It is intrinsic to the existence of the primary opposites.

In my contemplation following this realization, I kept seeing that all thoughts coming up were based on judgment of being good or bad. I had goals, things I wanted to achieve. These were the good, and I wanted to avoid the bad. I desired the beautiful, the moral, the clear, the happy, the comfortable, the intelligent, the delicious, and yes, even the Enlightenment. I desired not to have the opposites of these. Of course, all of this was based on my judgment, my labeling, of what was good and what was bad, even Enlightenment being good. As I contemplated, I saw how thoughts would come as chains of judgments. I would have a thought about myself and I judged it to be good or bad (usually bad). Then I judged myself for having the judgmental bad thought about the bad thought. I found this went on often in long continuous chains, and I realized this happened in my ordinary life too, except there, denial often came in, resulting in unconsciousness of the thoughts for an apparent period of time. When the Enlightenment occurred, there was (and is) no judgment, no good and bad experiences, actions, thoughts, or things. They are just what they are in all their beauty and love, being just that. By the way, a thought is Another also.

For me, this is an important realization. Now it is absolutely clear that I, the Self, Truth, God, is not good or bad and any thought of that is superfluous and can be ignored. The thought of good or bad is like a wave, a condition, of the water, on the surface of the Ocean of Truth. It is not intrinsic to what actually is, the water of the ocean. It is illusionary, the mind itself.

This is very real to me. Since the Intensive, if I catch myself thinking in terms of something being good or bad, I remember this Truth, that there is no judgment in "I", and immediately the judgment is dropped. I then find an easy, free, happy flow takes over. The burden of being good and the guilt of being bad drops off my shoulders. There is release. I am free.


By Osha Reader

The grace that we've been seeking

Has always been there

Patiently waiting for us to

Turn around, reach out our hand and say,

"Thank you for staying here while I was sleeping."

And how could it otherwise be?

Our true nature waits for us to

Turn back in gratitude, see

And feel our way, finally,


About the Intensive Edge Exploration

By Pitaka

The "Edge" Intensive came into being as a result of noticing that people were having major direct experiences and then feeling they had been lost either immediately or gradually after the Intensive. Also, some people who come to my Intensives are very committed to liberation in this lifetime. I wanted to explore how to serve people dedicated enough to go for liberation. Another important reason for offering the Edge is my experimentation and discovery of surrender while taking Intensives, and contact with Gangaji and the teachings of Ramana Maharshi. They are part of the lineage of Advaita Vedanta and use only one question, Who am I, which includes both who and what with the emphasis on the "I."

Later it became obvious that in order to have my Intensives work for beginners and others who are trying to understand what contemplation is or to become more consistent with it, I would have to separate the two groups. So, now I give a regular Intensive for everyone and "The Edge" for people who are ready for it. I find that the edge group is supported to explore the extreme possibilities of inquiry, while the regular group is not feeling pressured, comparing themselves, being confused by some things I say in talks, or feeling that they just cannot get it and should quit. I like to spend time with people who are learning the contemplation, helping them in any way I can.

The first Intensive Edge Exploration was in the summer of '97. The participants were a mix of "old timers" and people I had interviewed in advance. We did the usual schedule with some flexibility for more silent sitting on an individual basis, using the two self questions. Sometimes the questions fell away, pairs of people would sit in silent dyads or a question would be worded more precisely. Most direct experience was prolonged or quickly recurring.

The emphasis on surrender to truth and awake recognition of truth while in an ordinary state is also an important aspect of The Edge Intensive. When we leave the depth of the contemplative state to resume ordinary activity, most often people feel that what has been revealed in contemplation was "an experience." When framed as such, it is "a memory." So, what happened to the Truth?

I find on inquiry that the mind when dominant, tells the senses (body) there is no greater, higher, deeper reality or authority than itself. To me it's simply mind dominance = no access to Truth. Then the nervous system (brain) is at the mercy of thought and vice versa. So the mind must relax, become still, before Truth is again revealed, or at the very least, an insight that is usually not accessible by the logical mind.

So Who or What experiences? We must find out through authentic inquiry if there is any I. What is the "I?" What reveals itself to me in this inquiry is that Truth is constant and everything else is "an experience." What's more, regardless of what I experience, the truth beneath is what I "come from" in every moment. We ask the question, "is the direct experience of what I am really an experience or is it WHAT I AM?" Here the split between experiences of different realities may collapse. (If it does, please call me.)

If not, the remedy is again found in inquiry. We can only satisfy our doubts authentically. Hearsay from anyone, even great and respected teachers will not work. We must commit to going after Truth only, and settle for nothing else - whether it is blissful or horrible. This is when a terror of annihilation often occurs. Survival instincts arise to protest an impending "death." Alarms can go off. Here is another test of truth. The mind makes it seem so real, that we really will die if we keep on.

This is the stage of surrender of anything and everything to Truth. At this point anything that is less than unchanging, absolute Reality must be shed like an old skin. We can apply our passion, the same passion we bring to other strong desires. This commitment causes grace to move on our behalf. Time is not a factor.

This is true surrender. Surrender is both releasing our grip on whatever supports our views, what we like, love, dislike, want, etc., and finally giving our will to Truth. We let go of everything as it arises, big or small. I noticed that big dramatic things were sometimes easier to release than the nudge of a trivial thought.

Whatever may happen to our sense of ourselves, our security, or our survival, we are ready for anything. We say in our hearts to Truth, "take everything," just give yourself! The fire starts here.


By Pitaka

As in a young girl's cherished dreams
of Love, joy. . . anticipation, longing
No feet on the ground,
impatient, uncalculating, reckless!

Now on awakening,
knowing another as THIS, the same
permeated, unlike a mirror.
Still the urgency persists...
potent, even more driven
Fearless of on-rushing fire....
Flesh, nerve, heart, mind, surrender

out in the wild
where nothing happens
no one hears or sees

  Taken, Ravished, Breathless
SURRENDER alone remains


Rabindranath Tagore [Sent in by Joy Kendra]

I see a light, but no fire. Is this what my life is to be like?

Better to head for the grave.

A messenger comes, the grief-courier, and the message is that the woman you love is in her house alone, and wants you to come now while it is still night.

Clouds unbroken, rain, all night, all night. I don't understand these wild impulses - what is happening to me?

A lightning flash is followed by deeper melancholy. I stumble around inside looking for the path the night wants me to take.

Light, where is the light? Light the fire, if you have desire!

Thunder, rushing wind, nothingness. Black night, black stone.

Don't let your whole life go by in the dark.

Evidently, the only way to find the path is to set fire to my own life.

Awareness of Awareness

By Edrid

There is consciousness. A human being experiences consciousness in an individualized way. You, at this moment, can experience or be aware of this individualized consciousness by just noticing that you are conscious at this moment. That you are conscious does not need to be proven. It is a self-evident fact, utterly convincing as soon as you notice it.

Consciousness itself is so basic that it mostly goes unnoticed. That is, consciousness is usually not noticed as a thing in itself. Most of the time, individualized consciousness goes about its business, living life. We notice things, but we rarely notice the noticing.

When we perceive the world around us through our senses, the subjective sense of being a sentient being disappears. Instead, awareness is absorbed in the sensory panorama and becomes entangled in the drama. Things seem real, life seems real, and all the complexities of our relationship to the world manifest to us as our real, ongoing experience. When in this state, there is no experience of our own awareness as an object of introspection.

Thoughts and emotions can sometimes be experienced as "things" in much the same way one experiences objects. An emotion can be identified as this or that emotion, a concept as this or that concept, an opinion as this or that opinion, and so forth. For example, when you can say "I'm feeling anger," you are not just angry, you are observing the anger as an object.

Usually, though, we just think without noticing that we are thinking and feel without noticing that we are feeling. The fact of being conscious, then, is usually not noticed and not really understood. This is the unexamined life.

If you reflect on consciousness itself, you become more and more aware of your own awareness. In a sense, you detach awareness from what it is aware of and awareness becomes its own object of observation.

Personally, I have had an appetite for awareness of awareness for most of my life. There have been a lot of things that have gotten old for me and I dropped them, but I keep coming back for more of this form of introspection. It has never been difficult for me. I'm just attracted to it - deeply curious.

I don't go around aware of my awareness all the time, but I reflect on it every day, sometimes every few minutes. It's like this: Suppose you are doing a breathing exercise - just watching your breathing. Then you go off on some reverie, a thought-dream that takes you far from your breath. Suddenly you remember that you were doing breathing and you pull your attention back to it. Now, what made you remember to get back to your breathing? Something arises and punches through your reverie and you wake up and get back to what you were doing. Well, that is what it is like for me. I am constantly being absorbed into life and then I pop out of it, remembering to be aware of my awareness. This happens many times throughout the day.

Sometimes people describe the experience of awareness of awareness (let's call it AoA for short) as you becoming pure awareness or that you are awareness, and experiencing awareness of awareness is experiencing oneself. This language doesn't really match my experience, but you can make up your own mind about that.

In any case, the practice of becoming aware of awareness changes the awareness of awareness experience. Perhaps you could say it becomes a stronger experience. However you describe it, if you spend time being aware of your own awareness, it increases. It becomes clearer, brighter, deeper, more obvious, more apparent, and so forth. It can also become very familiar. If you frequently practice an AoA meditation, for example, it becomes easier to "get" and doesn't slip away so easily.

After a while, you become very familiar with AoA and when you sit down to meditate, AoA is quite natural and easy. You can sit for long periods of time being aware of awareness with no effort. And you can carry this state back into your day-to-day activities.

From within a stabilized AoA state, one can see things more clearly. Against the pure background of pure awareness itself, you can see states and perceptions as they form and take shape in the mind. You can see and feel how you slip into a dream when you go to sleep. You can see how you get "sucked in" to some conflict or weird view during a conversation with another. Your experiences become illuminated against a background of pure consciousness.

From the AoA state, the mind seems like an inner space filled with objects. Feelings seem like things that arise and subside in the body/mind, as reactions to external and internal events. All perceptions are viewed as arising within the field of awareness, and this field of awareness seems somehow to lie beyond or behind these experiences. It is not actually affected by them.

Awareness of awareness is not actually different from awareness. There are really no "levels" as far as I can see. Awareness of awareness is something like awareness directly experiencing the field of relationship as it is before it is modified by objects, thoughts, emotions, or other perturbations. It is like an underlying pure field. The Tibetan Buddhists talk about this. They call pure awareness the "ground luminosity" which I think is a beautifully accurate expression that really gets the idea across. The field of awareness is pure and inherently luminous.

To develop a strong experience of AoA is utterly simple. Just keep noticing your awareness. Notice the awareness and not the objects of awareness. Just keep noticing awareness itself and it develops into a full-blown experience. It ripens and deepens. Once you've got it going, it begins to show you things. If you get caught up in the things it shows you, however, you should realize that you have stopped being aware of awareness itself. As soon as you are finished with the thing that came up, you can go back to pure awareness aware only of itself.

Pure awareness is by nature unperturbed. It is a blank slate, a clear sheet of paper, an emptiness, a void, silent, vast (of no size, actually) and without the tick of a clock. It is still, it is nothing, It has no substance, no qualities. If it has a quality that you can discern, then as you continue to be aware of awareness, that quality is eventually shed, for it is not pure awareness. If it has a shape, one becomes aware of awareness being aware of a shape. Then the shape is left behind. So, too, are colors, forms of any kind, thoughts, views, and determinations, and, surprisingly, the sense of self. The sense of self literally dissolves away, leaving nothing behind. The tendency to stick a self back in the field of consciousness is strong, however, and it generally is the first thing to sneak back in.

Every conscious experience is seen as arising against the ground luminosity. As it arises, it is seen as it is. The ground luminosity seems to impart a wisdom perspective to all experience. When there is an upheaval of emotion, for example, the arising emotion is seen as something emerging from the background field. You have the option of ignoring it or going with it. It is just the dance of life. To the degree you have contemplated experiences against the ground luminosity, more and more of your experiences are taken this way. The Tibetan Buddhists say that the experiences are "self-liberating."

This gives you great stability and personal power in times of misfortune, upset, and crisis. Those without any practice in AoA are often swept away and suffer needlessly. After cultivating AoA, problems experienced against the backdrop of the ground luminosity are the same as anything else. They flow through, leaving no residue. Life just is.

i carry your heart with me

e.e. cummings [Sent in by Edda Browne]

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you


here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart


i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Intensive Aftermath

By Richard Hudson

[This is a short excerpt from a long and fascinating piece which Richard wrote shortly after the last Annual Intensive.]

Over the years have been to a number of Intensives ... This is a first ... Always in the past just ease of being ... a smooth transition of the daily life into "Truth". This time the Intensive didn't end. The very last dyad ... such opening ... immediate and simultaneous marriage of two into the "Truth" ... one awareness ... one life.

The closing ... warning about blowing out the loved ones when returning to the non-Intensive world out there ... other formalities and good byes ... Problem, not at all ready to stop the Intensive format ... right in the thick of it ... opening ... opening ... yet must drive to Clear Lake.

What a trip ... having a hard time navigating the seemingly endless twists and turns ... It's odd, but the practical and the integrated don't seem to be mixing ... tempted to pull over and go into uninterrupted and deep inquiry ... but then friend will be worried. What is this friend? Not separate from this I-.Awareness ... yet as form ... unique ... beautifully so. No contradiction or paradox here ... the mind will never understand ... must come into this truth directly ... this state of compassionate detachment.

The body sluggishly wakes the first morning after the Intensive and a voice says, "This is the fifth day of the Intensive" ... the mind is madly, tearing along like a locomotive going down a steep grade completely out of control and the body feels like hell ... all this in immense peace and stillness. At the same time, incredible receptivity to this inner voice ... this inner teacher that used to be viewed as a mere metaphor ... No way! ... Got it ... this teacher most definitely is. Among this plethora of storm driven mind clouds comes the judgment, "How can you be feeling this way after the first day of the Intensive. You went nowhere." Yep ... Yep ... that's exactly the point ... yet there is some I here which feels shy and very vulnerable while at the same time being non- separate from this vastness of clarity and absolute fearlessness. How can these seemingly contradictory states exist in the same awareness ... simultaneously to be and not to be?

Feel confused and yet am totally clear ... What's going on here?

Driving to San Jose, things seem normal (well sort of) with the exception that I arrive without a sense of having traveled there ... What a strange drive ... unbelievable forces and streams of resistance in the body which make the ectodermic layer of skin feel like it is going to explode while the mind is doing its normal trip except in an incredible, rapid motion ... all this arising in this absolute awareness which is the quality of unbelievable stillness ... simply am all of this ... How can this be? Like, Alum Rock Avenue appears ... heading to get an amp that has been repaired ... pick up a bean burrito and attempt to contemplate the many others in this fast food place ... but feel uncharacteristically shy and really uncomfortably introspective, confused and yet so open to the. teacher ... the "One"... Have never been so much faith and love in this journey of liberation.

Strange stuff ... No! ... real good stuff ... coming down Alum Rock towards 101 ... hit the first stop light and the heart is exploding into ... into ... in an instant the mind comes to an abrupt standstill and all those devilish energies completely ... disappear ... just infinite peace and such yearning ... Softly, the inner teacher seductively beckons ... Can't resist ... Go ahead my "Beloved" ... take this one. No question about it ... open up to the body without being on the take.

Merge on 101 heading towards Big Sur ... crying like a lost child who has been separated from its parents for an eternity, but has finally made it back to its roots ... Traveling towards the residence ... most definitely not going home ... This ... Here ... Now ... This 101 shooting through infinite stillness is home ... always This ... the "One" ... and the body is this gorgeous dance of soft, playful energies which are totally integrated with everything in this "now-nowhere-home" ... How to say this, ... there is so much love ... but this love is not separate from the body energy, ... no hands ... no eyes ... no ears ... no head ... no separation .. just the awesome, still beauty of the "One" ... What ... What ... Who is driving? ... No navigator here ... just the journey.

The residence arrives in absolute awareness ... the heart ... mammoth .. .huge beyond comprehension ... bursting ... exploding into ... into ... the "One" ... O ... O ... the redwood forest pulsates with infinite and intricately-connected form ... The beloved ... eternally shifting faces but one breath ... one heart beat ... The wife at work and the son over at a friends ... Humbly bow to this grace wind ... the body bursting with energy ... puts on the jogging shoes ... going to run the ridge fire road which overlooks the entire Big Sur coast ... this wild filly ready to break loose in this cosmic awareness ... The "Beloved" whispers ... the body ... the body ... go deeper ... deeper.

In some far recess somewhere ... don't want to go into the body ... but merge in ecstasy into the ... unnamable ... the unspeakable.. the "Beloved" ... Life ...

Night time descending ... in "MY" body ... physical body with its crazy wild man energies ... walk back in ... "MY body" ... truck, auburn autumn leaves and swaying redwood forest appear and vanish ... in "MY Body" ... At the residence ... Coppellia's delightful ballet dances it's merry play ... in "MY Body" ... the mind's thoughts replay themselves again and again with the chant ... "Gate ... Gate ... Parasumgate ... Bodhi Svaha ..." transcending ... transcending ... Hail to "Transcendence" ... in "MY body" ... and the bedroom lights are turned off as the physical body which is pulsating with such love drifts into sleep ... In "My body", that infinitely peaceful and utterly still place where the Lights are always on and there is absolutely no need of switches and no one to say good night because there is nobody and no one sleeping ... Absolute Wakefulness ... yes ... yes ... yes ... the "Beloved"

Notes From the Zone

By Danielle Light

The second morning of my first Intensive I related to my partner my love for God. Tears flowed down my face as I communicated the depth of this love. After this dyad, I stood by the window and gazed out at the play of greenery and light. This moment suddenly struck me with an energy so intense I felt as though I was going to pass out. I experienced a shift into another "place", a place where the air was soft and full and every sight had great dimension and character. A place where love isn't a feeling - it is reality.

After the course, being in "The God Zone" while fully functioning in the world was very healing. As a landlord my greatest fears are getting sued and going through a court eviction. The day after the retreat ended a tenant called to say he had hired a lawyer to sue me and he was refusing to move out. There it was, my career terror presenting itself in full force and I felt no fear.

The following days impressed me as being completely stress free. Each day brought another "To Do's list," but instead of making things happen, the "do's list" seemed to do itself. The days just flowed without effort. Coincidences were not an extraordinary occurrence, rather an expected way of life. In this "other place," free of fear and stress, I was really happy. Not a conditional happy, just the happiness of being where I belonged. Life was very full, that old sense of emptiness was completely gone. In this 'place' I remembered my childhood which I thought had been stolen long ago by a dysfunctional family. In reality the joyful memories never left, only I did. My innate happiness was just waiting to be reclaimed on "the other side." In this I place, no one was more special or important than anyone else. Everyone and everything - the beloved. Time was not measured on a clock, rather by internal messages that sounded off when I needed to attend to something. God was clearly in all forms, simply loving through serving as a table, a book, a bowl, a dog, or another person. Making direct and grateful contact with any other form was how love was exchanged. It was as if God split up into infinite forms so that IT could love ITself in infinite ways. A lot of my personality seemed like a distant, almost forgotten thing which was humorous to be reminded of. The personality that remained seemed kindred to the light, as if the best of 'me' remained while the rest dropped away. Interesting that no one knew what was going on with me, a dramatic illustration that we see what we've established in our minds. It made me wonder just how many 'enlightened' ones there are among us that I've never noticed.

My six days on 'the other side' and the expanded three months that followed reminded me of my undying love and desire for God. Since I had been "lost in the material world" the Intensive was a great reminder how accessible and available "The God Zone" is. All I need is the desire and intention with a keen awareness and love for what is right now. And Wa La, here I am back in reality - "The God Zone."

To God

By Galina Brouwer

I knew even then
When I could scarcely
See your face
I knew
Before the words came easily
I stammered them from some
Forgotten place
I knew even then
Like a mute, I made hand signs
Sometimes with my body
With my loins
With my legs around you
Still, I knew
My soul would scream
But I could only hear its echo
From a distance
But the echo told me
And I knew
And when I caught up
to your laughing love
I jumped and screamed
I always knew
I knew
I knew
I knew.

Hawaii 98: To a New Level

[The following email dialog went back and forth between Osha Reader, Edrid, Galina Brouwer, Iris (from Iceland), and Tom Elkjer shortly after the 7-day Retreat/Intensive held February 21- 28 at the Wood Valley Tibetan Buddhist Temple in Hawaii.]


Sorry to be so long responding to this. I've been in a very bizarre state since getting back to ice city alone after spending time in a warm place with all the beloveds. I've been doing some deep work, though, trying to integrate the experience at the Vipassana retreat that produced that poem.

The experience was of no boundaries between me and anything. I entered a state of surrender so deep that I couldn't tell the difference between my foot and the floor, sounds and who was hearing. It was beyond any place I had been before. It was like I disappeared and became everything. The sense of a separate self disappeared.

I noticed after the Intensive that it was hard to drive and to try to exert my will. I couldn't do numbers. I stopped sleeping. I felt after the Vipassana retreat that things were different, but didn't get how different until the responsibility of the Intensive was off me and I got home to some quiet.

Now I'm in a childlike state. It feels like someone has unplugged the left side of my brain. The old part that was used to being able to make things happen wants to take control again and be happy in the old way, and it isn't working. I'm feeling very open and very emotional. Can't quite surrender the control part but can't go back to the way I was. Since getting home I have no appetite and have lost 6 pounds.

I want refuge...want to be held and protected and to not be responsible for anything. I found out Guffa needs me in Iceland. I agreed to go so I will, but it's put me into a kind of responsibility crisis. I just want to surrender to whatever this change is, don't want to be in charge or have to manage anything. That thing about "making" the dyad weekend happen was just my ego trying to prove it can still do stuff. Anyhow, I'm glad it's happening. I need it.

Part of me is fighting. I think it's the part that's lived alone so long in a remote place, that's afraid of not being in control or not being able to take care of myself or something....I'm feeling fragile, emotional, vulnerable, not at all like my usual self. Have been meditating a lot.

March 19, 98


My story is a little like yours.

When I got home, I had a day to myself, Monday. The family went off to their respective duties and activities. I had no work to do, so I could just be.

I felt very good. Happy. But when I went to do anything, I would spin off into a kind of out of control state. Emotions would rise up with a vengeance at the slightest difficulty. I found, on a trip to the store in downtown Palo Alto, that I was caught in a whirlwind of emotion and confusion. I really freaked out. It was a great ordeal just to buy some shampoo at the drug store.

I stayed quiet at home and tried not to have to do anything. I knew it was the after effect of the Intensive.

Even though my family was loving and friendly, it seemed all strange and like a drug trip. Everything was amplified.

Then I went to work the next day. Same thing. I wasn't grounded at all. All the little disciplines that I cultivate to make my life smooth were broken and lost. I reacted emotionally to everything, though I did have the presence of mind to keep out of peoples way and isolate myself enough to stay stable. I'd "have to get back to work" to avoid breaking down in tears about how much I loved them.

This condition is gradually wearing off, I guess, though I actually like being this crazy. I have resumed my morning meditations (I could not meditate at all for a week.) and they are better than ever. I'm very excited about them. The Garab Dorje material has me very inspired and excited. Flash! Flash! My emotions are evidentially still very loosened up. I've got the "bursties" about lots of things. My optimism is soaring to the heights. In a way, I don't know myself. I'm new and need to learn what I'm now like. That big blow-out I had at the end of the Intensive changed some things in me. I know I will be different, and I want to see what I'll be like. I don't want to always be the same. I really look forward to being strange to myself. I actually want to slog through new territory in myself. I don't really care if I'm freaked out. I want liberation and creativity. I know that to go to the next level or place, I must do new things quite unlike the old me, and I don't really care if the change is messy or neat.

So I think what happened is that we are both just opened wide from the focus and silence of the Intensive. We both did a lot of meditation. Six days, 16 hours a day of meditation will certainly do something, I would guess. So OK! Let's be bonkers for a while and see what God has in store for us.


March 19,1998


There is in my experience no separation between us; any of us, anything.

This was my realization (DE) at the Intensive at Origin last summer, and my continuing state. It's the strongest, most lasting, most balanced (intellectual/emotional/physical /spiritual) experience I have ever had.

And it's one of the hardest to communicate to others fully.

The vulnerability is so complete -- this is not some nice sharing, this is NO SEPARATION -- that it's not even vulnerability. It's beyond that, it's something else entirely. Like a... I don't know what. So I can imagine your fear to present something so... total...

And I also know you can.

You know all the reasons why it's important to present your experience, so I won't remind you. I will say this: I want more people in my life, in my world, in this universe, to understand what I mean when I say "no separation." (Edrid does this thing where he brings it up in conversation with me, as if he can't remember what my experience was; I realized he was gently creating opportunities for me to present to him.)

If you ever want to get across to me what occurred for you, let me know.

No separation,


March 19

Dear Thom,

Thank you for your message and your words of encouragement. Every day, a new layer unfolds. I swing from ecstasy to terror and all the states in between. When I started reaching out for help, I realized that others have been going through similar things.

I wrote this while still in the aftermath of the experience. Thanks for asking.

Love to you,


Coming to Meet (a glimpse)

I am not ever going to forget
Who I am.
I am the sound of the bells
And the wind that moves through them
I am the journey and the destination
I am the breath
And the body that breathes it
I am the foot and the earth that touches it
I am the lover and the beloved
I am the cat crying
And the one who comforts it.
Ageless, faceless, timeless, nameless,
Unborn and undying,
Constant yet ever-changing,
I was before the earth began
I will be after it is gone.
God willing,
I am not ever going to forget
Who I am.


Edrid, Yesterday I got this from my 21 year old Icelandic friend, Iris, who took my Intensive there last May. She had no idea what was going on with me.

March 22. 98


I went for such a wonderful walk yesterday, I walked in the woods that are in the middle of the city...I felt so incredibly happy and light, I felt like I could walk forever. I sat down by the river which was so powerful and I meditated for awhile. It was the greatest, something happened within me, I felt like I was one with everything, I can't really explain it. But it was amazing.

I wrote her back about my experience and she wrote back:

March 23

Hi Osha!

Thank you for sharing that with me.

I have watched people and listened to people who say they are totally alone, they say they are separate from other people and there is this emptiness in their lives because of that way of thinking. But it really is just an illusion, for a long time I believed that illusion. But I see now that there is nothing separating us, nothing at all, just like Thom described. I keep a book where I write things that come up in my mind or heart, and I wrote about that. "We are all connected, there is NOTHING that separates us except our way of thinking, we think we are alone and separate from everybody else and we believe that, when we truly are not...


It's amazing to me, and at the same time no surprise, that so many of us everywhere are breaking through the illusion of separation. This dialogue involves more than us.

Galina writes (in 3 letters):

March 18, 1998

Dearest Osha, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for inviting me to the most special Intensive. I am still resonating with "no mind." I rise before dawn each day and sit easily for 40 minutes. For the past few days, I go longer without noticing the time. All this in preparation for next year, same time, same place..."

...a whole chunk of junk just fell away from me and life is easier. Peter and I are closer than ever, if that's possible! My love for Edrid remains eternal...created in some ether before time and lasting in all life's permutations. I'm still waiting for the correct modem for my computer so I can get on Email...Let me know, if you feel like it, what's going on with you..."


I wrote to her what I wrote to you. She wrote back:

March 20

Dearest Osha,

The benefits of the Intensive continue to help me through life's pressures and my own responses...so much material boils up from the unconscious.. On demon nights, I just offer it to the furnace of stillness and silence I'm still managing to reach during a dawn sitting...

I think it's important that we describe the states we pass through (and countries and continents and planets and galaxies) of daily existence. I think it's true what Edrid said, about the deep work we are all doing...we've got a tiger by the tail. the state you describe is one I think I've experienced. I'm uncomfortable with it, this breakdown of boundaries, this melting into ALL. I recite (from our nightly Tibetan Buddhist chanting) "Refuge and Bodhicitta Prayer"...

I go for Refuge until I am enlightened.

To the Buddhas, the Dharma, and the Highest Assembly.

By practicing giving and other perfections,

May I attain the state of Buddha to be able to benefit all sentient beings.

The time when this "state" was upon me, I needed to be held. I didn't even realize this, but that's what I needed...The vulnerable state you talk about is also a familiar one to me. I think I told you at one point during this last Intensive, had you handed me a paper and crayon, I would have drawn the classic sun, house, tree. I felt regressed, small, insecure.. but what an opportunity to cocoon this "child" in layers of love. I'm fine now; strong, protected, but I virtually need no sleep..

We are in new territory in many way, I think. I send you all my love, Dear Friend...Galina

To Edrid, March 21

Thank you, my friend. Yesterday morning, first day of spring!, something changed inside me when I first woke up. It was like something lifted and I moved back into my love and completeness. I spent almost the whole day in meditation, in spite of being in Truckee doing errands. These waves would just come through me and I'd have to stop and sit with it until it passed. After an ecstatic meditation in the Safeway parking lot, I went into the Safeway and was trying to feed one of those little pieces of paper called a check into the machine that does something with it, after writing some numbers on the back and signing it, and then the machine tells you, just as it's eating the check, to not forget to write your account number on it. I was laughing at myself struggling with this simple thing as if I were tripping on acid. The teller person kept making small talk and telling me that people have to go at their own pace... Finally I accomplished it, and it was OK. I cruised around this blindingly white supermarket with a shopping cart thinking, "food. I'm supposed to buy food...I don't want to buy food. I'm going to go home." My body was just rushing with energy.

Something in me surrendered. I think it was the something that was concerned about not being able to keep it together. Now I realize there's lots of support around. I don't have to do everything by myself. The teller would have helped me if I really hadn't been able to get the piece of paper into the machine. But I did. It just took a little longer, and I got to laugh a lot.

The whole way home I was laughing and crying and feeling so much gratitude for my friends and for their support and for the teachers who help us along the way. The thing in me that was holding on just let go..

Today my state is steady. I feel plugged into my love and my completeness. I've been writing to the sweet friends who responded to my reach for them or just appeared at the moment I most needed help.

Thank you, Edrid, for your letter and your encouragement and for being the precious treasure that you are to so many of us who are blessed to know you.

Love to you, Osha

March 23


What you have written is beautiful and inspiring. What do you think about me publishing our letters to each other in the newsletter? If you want them private, I will understand, but if you feel like sharing them to the community I can publish them in the newsletter I'm working on right now.

Let me know how you feel about it.

One who walks alone,

He alone finds truth.

Heart absorbed in love

Never comes back again. - Kabir



I feel fine about that. Nothing seems very private any more. Here's another piece from Galina:

March 22

Dearest Osha, What a great fax! Thank God for you and Edrid both. I think it's so important to keep connected and "reporting" what's going on AFTER the Intensive... after all, we're doing this for liberation in Life; so the fertile ground that we create during the meditation process in order to plant the "seeds" of change need careful watching. We are creating a new "hybrid," I think. Thank God for the Intensive and my newly rooted sense of stability within meditation. I HAVE to meditate now. The Beloved's memory is still palpable to me and each meditation brings a whisper of that indescribable sweet silence..."


Thank you for your thoughts and for your love, Edrid. It was so comforting to know that others had been processing and integrating too and that I was not alone. Thank you for the thing from Kabir.

The house is still buried in ice. It's snowing hard today, but there's sunshine inside me and springtime and new growth, maybe even little flowers starting to come up. The change keeps deepening as layers of illusion peel away. I feel at peace, and free.

Interview with Desimir Ivanovic About Clearing

Interviewed by Edrid - October 20, 1997

In this interview, I asked Desimir Ivanovic a few questions about clearing.

Why would someone want clearing?

We often speak about that and we point out a number of main reasons for applying clearing.

For example, one reason is for improving one's ability to communicate, especially about the things that are problematic for the person. There are often things we avoid speaking about or even avoid thinking about. In clearing, we start taking on these things, and a person starts speaking about them. As the ability to communicate about something increases, the person experiences a release or an improvement.

A second thing that happens during clearing is they experience discharge. When someone avoids speaking or thinking about something, there is usually an emotional charge on that subject. When a person starts to speak about that, the charge dissipates.

When you discharge certain things, it is like your mind is very free and your mental activity increases. You start thinking about new things. You can start seeing your problems in a different way. Understanding happens. Usually after that, or perhaps at the same time, the person may have insights. So having insights, having more understanding, is another reason for clearing.

The next thing that usually happens is the person becomes more able to disconnect from things. When a person has a problem, there is a tendency for the person to stay permanently fixated to it. They wake up in the morning and the problem is there, then for the whole day, and when they go to bed , the problem is still there. It is a characteristic of a problem to take our attention. In clearing, what happens is that the person starts to look at what the source is, where the problem is coming from. At some point, the person becomes able to put their problem aside and not be fixated on it.

Another thing you can get from clearing is a release from guilty feelings. Usually a person feels guilty, and in the beginning, the person may not even be aware of it. Sometimes the person is in the position of being a victim and blaming others. They are not aware of their own responsibility. As the clearing progresses, The clearee (one who is being cleared) reaches the point where he sees his own involvement in the problem. He was contributing by his actions or by not doing anything. So when he starts realizing his own mistakes in something he is supposed to do but didn't do, his level of responsibility is going up. He is realizing that he actually is the creator in the situation or in his own problems. So he might be blaming others but then he becomes more responsible about himself and more careful and starts learning more about life.

Another thing is that the person can become more clear about what he wants in life. The aims of life become more clear. That is also the result of clearing.

One of the last things is becoming aware of our fixed attitudes. That is what we call it in clearing, but actually, the person starts to know about his own personal scenario, his basic characteristic traits, how he is driven in life, what fixed approaches and attitudes he has, and how these fixed attitudes and approaches drive him. He discovers how he was not actually consciously choosing to do certain things but was being driven in a certain direction. When he starts discovering some of these things, he starts dealing with them. This is something which is very well developed in the clearing method. Here we have a very well developed method for finding fixed attitudes and how to work with them. In no other school of therapy did I find such a clear presentation. In many schools they speak about attitudes, but never as clear as the way it is presented in clearing. That is the reason I am in clearing and not in psychodrama or other such methods.

So these are some of the things that people achieve in ordinary standard clearing sessions.

Do people who come to you for clearing generally go through a series of stages as they go through the process? That is, when they first come to you, do they start at a particular stage and then progress step by step? Is that how it works in clearing?

In a way, yes, but a clearer needs to see where a person is. Maybe a person is in a stage that he can easily speak about anything. He may still experience an increase in ability to communicate, because he might have been ignoring certain things, but your job as a clearer is to find the position of where the clearing is and start going up from that position.

Do you find one kind of person that succeeds at clearing more than others? Are there traits that a person might have that lets them take to clearing better than others?

Well, I think it is difficult to find a person who does not experience progress from clearing. I have a tendency to think that someone who is more mind-oriented or intellectual may experience more progress. They may like clearing more or can see more benefit from clearing than people who are more emotional or more body-oriented.

If a person who came for clearing had a problem with a lot of emotion associated with it, would they tend to express it during a clearing session?

Yes, of course. When emotions come up, you just take them. There is Emotion Clearing too.

I've heard of mind clearing, emotion clearing, sensation clearing, body clearing, and so forth. Do you do clearing in all these areas?

Well, we should be aware that an individual has a body, has instincts. There is an emotional part and a mental part, you know. Every school of therapy wants to successfully deal with all of these parts because they all can interfere in the person's life. In clearing, the first step is working with the mind, then working with the emotional part. When these two parts are somehow cleared or mastered enough, then it is easier go on to work with instincts, for example. But, otherwise we have the techniques for working with the body, but they are more communication techniques. Clearing has techniques for increasing verbal communication by working with the body.

How do you know when you're finished clearing? What's the endpoint?

You see, there is a simple way that we analyze progress in clearing. I think it's pretty well established or existing in clearing. We separate clearing techniques into a few levels. For example, we have the level minus one, which indicates that the person has difficulty completing communication cycles. We can see how the person has difficulty with verbal communication. They have difficulty expressing themselves.

Then we have level one, which is the communication level. When we are doing our analysis, we just check if the person is able to talk about a subject. Is there a subject the person will avoid or ignore when we speak about it? If we see that, we know the person is on level one.

Do they subjectively know they're at this state where they can communicate everything? Do you seek that?

You actually want to increase your ability to communicate so that you are able to verbally express yourself. So a person will know, for example, when they've reached that point, when they've gone through certain levels of clearing, and then they would say, "I realize I could say anything to anyone."

They actually know that?

They will know that but we don't educate them. It comes from themselves. We do not tell them, "You see we are now doing technique level one, and the aim is to come to point where you are able to talk about everything." We don't do that because then the person will pretend that they can speak about everything. But it's your job, as a clearer, to see the person's ability to communicate.

So that would be clearing level one?

Yes. For example, you might ask about whether they communicate, and they respond, for example, "Well, I have stopped speaking with my mother six years ago." At some point he gives you information so that you can see how he is stuck in his ability to communicate with another person. "Is there anybody in between?" " Is there a break in the communication?" They may say, "Yes, I am avoiding speaking of that." Or, "I hate speaking about that." You know, like politics or sex, and the person will indicate that.

And then the second level is the level of what gave you your problems. We'll just simply ask, "Do you have any problems that are taking your attention?" "Do you think about that most of the time?" "Does it bother you?" And then they say "yes" or "no."

The third level is the guilt level. We ask if they have any guilty feelings about something. And, as I said, sometimes the person will say "no." But if you know that there are communication problems and that there are other problems, you may well expect that sometime in the future you will find them, but they are not available yet because they're covered up by the inability to communicate and other problems. We need to take on these parts first before we can deal with the guilt. It's almost like engineering. You couldn't expect to find a guilty feeling if the person is on the minus one level, where they're not able to verbally express themselves. It may be a situation where levels are mixed.

When levels are mixed? They are guilty yet not able to communicate about it?

Yes. Then, at some point, the person will give you some fixed attitude. It's like it's coming out from him or her in some way and you should be able to recognize it as a clearer. It's something easy to recognize when you work a certain number of hours with a person. The fixed attitude is a part of their personality coming up over time. The person expresses himself in that way all the time, how he looks, how he's clothed, the way he behaves. So you just need to be open and look at that. And very often the person will express this verbally, "I'm a good person," "I'm a good man," and so forth. The person will show you that all the time and you just need to pick it up. Write it down on paper and at some point work with it.

When a person comes to you for clearing sessions, they may just have a particular problem they want handled. Do you also have people who want to go through a whole course of processing such as this? To get to some new level of ability, or to enhance their life in a certain way? What are their motivations, the ones that come to you, the ones not just trying to get over a present time problem?

People have different motivations and you as a clearer need to be open to them and the reason they are coming. They may have more than one reason, but the actual reason may be something hidden. So there are different ways to approach different situations. You have a variety of situations. Sometimes it may be a specific problem and you work a couple of sessions until the person feels satisfied, and that's it. Maybe sometime he'll come back with another problem. Sometimes the person is overwhelmed with the situation and doesn't know what the problem is. His life just doesn't go well in any direction. So to define the problem is a big task, because the problem is at level number two, and the person could be in level minus one, technically speaking. So it's difficult to expect that the person will be able to give you the problem. So you start general clearing, let's say, and then later you define the specific problem and start working with that. This is clearing. You need to be open and you can't be judgmental. Just try to understand that person's universe and see what doesn't operate well in that universe, according to that person, and how you, as a clearer, can help that person overcome the problems and make that universe work well for the person. So it's typically a psychotherapy approach. When you are not judgmental, you are just open to see how the person operates, how the systems functions, what the problem is, and how can you help the person to overcome that problem.

It's a kind of client-centered support. This is a psychotherapy. Do you also think of it as a spiritual discipline?

For me, spirituality is much broader then how people usually use that term. Usually when people say spiritual they mean practicing some spiritual technique during the day, fifteen minutes or one hour or two hours, and they think that is being spiritual. For me spiritual is the whole way of life, everything that we are doing is spiritual. So of course clearing is spiritual. But I think it's spiritual in a broader sense, and it's very good especially for spiritual people to practice clearing to somehow complete that part their own case, so that their spiritual practice can be more pure and clear. What you often hear with spiritual people is that this spiritual search is mixed with traumatic stuff, you know, with pathology stuff inside. This is not a good combination. I think that this is something that spiritual people should have in mind, to be able to clarify this pathological stuff inside. It would be good to do that first if you can. Even for people who do not think of themselves as spiritual, doing clearing and discovering more about ourselves, we are on the way to become spiritual.

This is a particular psychotherapeutic technique. Do you see using clearing in conjunction with other techniques would be a benefit? For example, with other kinds of psychotherapy, or Zazen, Vipassana, or these sorts of things?

I think you should be open as a clearer and see what makes sense for the person and support him in doing what makes sense for him and what you also think is good. Usually you don't support the person taking sessions from you and another therapist at the same time. But, for example, if you finish the clearing and then the person has become aware of family problems or a problem with alcohol, and this is not your specialty, of course you would support the person to find some one else who works with that situation and let him continue his work in that way.

Do you have a view of some fundamental underlying theory that makes clearing significantly different than other forms of personal work?

I see clearing in the family of psychotherapy primarily, and I see that many things more precisely and more openly and more clearly said in clearing. Like emphasizing interpersonal relationship and contact. Charles Burner was very clear about that - the relationship and contact, and improving that relationship within clearing. Improvement of relationship is clearly the act to duplicate in life, because you have to be able to reach an understanding with somebody. As a clearer, Charles Berner experienced that improvement in relationship with the people he helped. He has a natural tendency to start improving his relationship with others. In clearing, that part about improving relationships is very clearly emphasized and well understood. That is one of the primal or basic steps in doing work with others.

Another step is passing through all these phases that we spoke about in the beginning. In clearing they are very well observed. Clearing was not used very much in hospitals, universities, and so on. However, the whole theory and practice of clearing is very scientifically presented. The last part, about fixed attitudes and fixed states, in many therapy schools there are teachings about that, for example, in some of the last books by Jung, people who work in his approach describe different personality characteristics. But what was missing is a description of the typical fixed attitudes of each of these personalities. If you apply these views [of clearing], you immediately have more clarity and more technical possibilities to handle them.

I really see clearing as progress in the whole field of psychotherapy. Psychotherapy can profit by thinking more of clearing, and we in clearing can profit by being more in the family and taking more of what exists in other schools, for example, about the general approaches used in psychotherapy and how to use the different knowledge they have about the human mind and how to improve the way to help somebody.

Do you think clearing as a technique is complete now, or is it still developing?

Of course it is still developing. Clearing is mostly the result of Charles Berner's work and contributions of a few people around him. In that way, it is not scientific yet. In order for clearing to become science, we need more people to get involved in applying it and using it and doing experiments, writing about it, publishing about it, confronting it with others.

Beside these purely therapeutic things, which you have in other schools, more or less, in clearing you also have an ability process.

Describe an ability process.

An ability process is different from a therapy process. Because in a therapy process you have a tendency to deal with the past or resolve something that is bothering us from the past. But the ability process is more dealing with now and the future. It is raising our ability to confront the future better or use our abilities better dealing with everyday life.

If someone wanted to be a clearer, what particular qualities should one have to become a good clearer?

Well, that is a difficult question. In Europe, now, we have a three year schooling in clearing. The person needs to pass this three year study, which includes working on himself and then includes basic communication techniques, and then training in applying the clearing techniques. It includes a lot of testing and it includes a lot of supervision. Also a lot of theory, studying the mind. I think it will work better for people who are already in a higher technical position. For example, if someone is already good in communication, they can deal with the communication aspects much more easily. Or one who is not very much stuck in everyday problems, he is not stuck with family problems, job problems, and so forth. And he is intellectual enough and he likes the subject and has an interest in people. Also, if the person himself experienced help through clearing. It would be difficult to be working with somebody without having an expectation that you could get any benefits from doing clearing. This is sort of a golden rule, that you can help someone with a method to the degree that you have been helped by that method.

It is also the ability to listen to people, to put yourself second, and be curious to understand about people and about life in general.

Also, to develop your heart, your love for people, because that is one of the essential parts, and many people start clearing because they like people and want to help. These are two things, the love of others and the ability to apply this technical part, having knowledge about clearing and having the ability to exercise communication and knowing how to apply some techniques. These are the two basic things one needs to have to be a good clearer. That is what we are trying to accomplish in the three-year program. To support the affinity for people and to teach these technical abilities that they need to help people.

A practical question: How many clearers do you think are in the United States currently?

Well, I only know Lawrence (Noyes) here. He brought clearing to Europe and he was very closely cooperating with us in Europe during the last few years. He was very helpful in putting clearing in the present position it is in. I don't know many other people, you know, doing clearing here, so I can't comment on it. I am curious about that. I would like to be in touch with people who are doing clearing here.

So currently there is no one being trained here in the US?

According to the three-year program that we are doing, no.

So in Europe, there are people being trained as clearers. How many?

In Europe we have four schools, in Paris, Munich, Zurich, and Belgrade.

How active are these schools? How many clearers are being trained?

About 80 students are involved in these four schools.

Is this the "first crop" of students?

Well, we already have graduated the first crop of German students last year. So these are the first generations.

But there are others who were trained earlier and are practicing clearing already. Currently there are about 100 practicing clearers in Europe. Many of them are already practicing professional therapists from other schools.

In England, there are people who are doing clearing, and we are currently trying to contact those people. I am going in December to try to contact these clearers and see if we can be useful to each other.

What we do find in the US is peer-to-peer clearing (dyads). Can you comments on the benefits of this kind of clearing?

I was happy to see this happening, it is good. I strongly support them. There is, however, one quality when you work with a trained clearer. The trained clearer knows how to complete things. In a dyad, you can just restimulate something. You don't know how to handle that completely and how to reach something we call the "positive indicators." So you just restimulate something and you don't complete it. It isn't finished. The person, going out, driving home, is still thinking about it. Usually, they have not reached the "positive indicators."

Clarify "positive indicators?"

Well, for example, when someone has an insight about something - you suddenly get the whole new understanding about what is going on and why things are happening that way. This is usually accompanied by what we call "positive indicators." The person starts smiling, feeling good about the whole thing they are working on, even when it was something difficult.

The clearer is someone who guides a person to positive indicators so they can complete that incident. It is about completion. That is one of the main differences between the dyad and professional clearing.

In the dyads, there may not be this completion along with these positive indicators?

It may happen, and it may not.

Because there is no skillful person bringing that about?

Yes, you need a trained person to act as a guide. But dyads are better than nothing.

Well, what benefits do you get from clearing dyads?

First, there is the improvement of the ability to communicate. Then there is the discharge about certain personal things. And there will be more understanding. And people can sometimes have insights. These are very good.

If you are coming regularly, let's say once a week or twice a month, with a group of people and you are doing something together, you immediately increase contact with others. This has a magic tendency. After one year, people may notice that things are going better in their lives. They may not know why, because what they are doing in the dyads may not seem important to their lives, but usually when people start working on improving communication and contact, this begins to improve their life. This is the magic of communication and improving relationships.

Do social activities also provide benefits like clearing?

Of course!

So then it's basically just the benefit of being together with others.

Right! The problem is, many people don't have friends. They seem to be friends with someone, but actually they are not. So doing clearing is about being able to have real friendship -increasing your ability to be a good friend with someone, and to stay in that friendship.

Thank you, Desimir.

Desimir Ivanovic is the director of the Agency for Personal Development, Communication, and Counseling. You can reach him at Lv. Milutinovica 12/B-12, 19000 Zajecar, YU-Srbija. Telephone/FAX 381-(0)19-29234.


Rumi [Sent in by Joy Kendra]

One night a man was crying,

Allah! Allah!

His lips grew sweet with the praising, until a cynic said,

So! I have heard you calling out, but have you ever gotten any response?

The man had no answer to that.

He quit praying and fell into a confused sleep.

He dreamed he saw Khidr, the guide of souls, in a thick, green foliage.

Why did you stop praising?

Because I've never heard anything back.

This longing you express IS the return message.

The grief you cry out from draws you toward union.

Your pure sadness that wants help is the secret cup.

Listen to the moan of the dog for its master.

That whining is the connection.

There are love-dogs no one knows the name of.

Give your life to be one of them.



Self & Other On the Internet

Submit stories or accounts of spiritual or enlightenment experiences to the newsletter. (Yes! Do it!) Our email address is sao@sandoth.com. Our FAX number is 650 324-9151.

Other Enlightenment Intensive sites on the Internet:

www.dyad.org - Alabama, Bill Savoie
www.highsierra.org - Origin, Osha Reader
www.ndirect.co.uk/~barrym/ei.html - United Kingdom, Barry McGuinness
www.sonic.net/~jeff/ - Sebastapol, California, Jeff Love
www.swcp.com/~robicks/ - New Mexico, Bhava

© 1997 Ed Riddle (Edrid). Published by Self & Other, 508 Pope Street, Menlo Park, CA 94025. Phone: 415 328-4941.
Email: sao@sandoth.com; Web: http://www.sandoth.com; FAX: 415 324-9151
Permission to copy this newsletter is granted as long as it is not altered and is not copied for profit $$$.
Published quarterly (at best). Subscription: USA $5.00 for 4 issues. International: $10.00 for 4 issues. Send subscription requests to: Subscription Desk, Self & Other, 508 Pope Street, Menlo Park, CA 94025.